coldplay was that amazing.

No words can describe how i felt after the coldplay concert. 18,000 people in extasy - they were just that good. Maybe it was because it was my first real huge concert, and the fact that i am in love with chris martin but i dont think it could have gotten any better.
Fiona Apple lay the groundwork with her dark sexy voice but coldplay was 1.5 hours of climatic goodness. i must admit, i was beginning to tire of their music before the concert but having it live and feeling it through every bone while dancing and singing my heart out is such an sweet experience - nothing matters except them at that moment. And Chris Martin shows you his soul. They also had amazing cinematograph of the band along with amazing lighting that just enhanced every song. I think Darja was almost was in tears. Sometimes, I feel silly to be so affected by music but glad at the same time. i hope i never lose this wonder.

and i will try....to fix you

this week was emotionally draining. In general, i run from confrontation - i would rather push it under the rug and hope it goes away but i guess that ends up hurting people anyways because i ignore them for long periods of time till i figure they've learned their lesson - invariably never happens.
But last sunday, i had words with a 'friend' who said hurtful things which cuased me great discomfort. ANd the worse part was i apologized when i really should have stood my ground. I couldnt go to bed that night and finally wrote him a letter - a long letter - being blunt and maybe hurtful too. blah blah. turned out that it ended up okay in the end as we were able to talk about it and it wasnt tense or awkward like i expected. maybe this is a good learning experience for me.
Also, i had to deliver the awkward news of my parents splitting up in october this week to unsuspecting friends which was made awkwarder by the fact that people are only finding 0ut this week and i haveto be the sole bearer of this news to everyone.
I just hate dealing with the questions, the what ifs and the breakdowns that invariably happen as i haveto relive it everytime i tell someone. I do say, i am becoming pretty efficent and cold hearted while delievring the news. ive gone from crying to sitting down the person opposite me....putting their guard down by talking about the weather, and then nonchanlantly remarking ' i expect you've heard about my parents' and most have by now since little birdies talk to them..and then following it up with a 'yea, i guess things happen for a reason' The End.
Oi, its hard and there are still so many people left to tell and i just feel this expectation that they need to see me greieving and help me through it but we're already past it and am moving on. more than anything we need you to treat us the same as the one thing i dread is awkwardness so please move along with us.

Anways, to funer things of life: kim came down to vancouver and i got to hang out a few days. It was like nothing had changed and she brought me happiness for a brief time. She is currently on a month tour of Thailand where she will backpack using her bush woman skills and be pampered to the fullest. Also, she showed me the nz tradition of eating Tim Tams and i will impart this knowledge with you in hopes of bettering your culinary education in case you're ever in nz and someone whips out a tim tam for your pleasure.

Tim Tams must be eaten with hot chocolate or Tea.
1)Bite the two opposite ends of a Tim Tam from top to bottom
2)Cover top hole with mouth and lower Tim Tam into hot beverage wetting the bottom qarter of it
3) Suck air from hole until you taste hot beverage coming out of it
4) Immediately place Tim Tam in mouth enjoying the gooey mass it has become.

So there, try it if you have a relative in new zealand that loves you so much they're willling to ship you a packet of tim tams.

ALSO, COLDPLAY IN 3 DAYS - im not as excited as i should be but i think my friends make up in estatic anticipation for me. i want to set my expectations low enough to be absolutley blown away into another hemisphere. AND going to see IMR on saturday. ahh what perfectness.

To end, thanks to the people who showed us you care. it means everything to me.

wham!

well, a lot has happened in the last few weeks. The SueDan Clan with father now inhabits the 9th floor of our building. It has slowly become a cozy home with an entertaining view which i am loving. So far we've seen cleaning ladies at 3 am, man doing ballet in his living room and dry thunderstorms. i like.
I know ive blogged a lot of deary things like my unstableness in life but i just wish that something, or really anything was for sure and i could take a stand and say "well, its okay that .......... isnt working out because i know my feelings about ............ will never change" and it just seems the older i get, the worse my dilemmas trouble me.

i wish to be free like a bird with no worries except singing and dancing.

Things ive discovered about myself last year:
1) I like to think I am a loner at heart but secretly i love being in community.
2) I like to be in control, thus i am greatly troubled with the prospect of continued unstabilty.
3) i have a fragile self-esteem which i cover with nonchalence and apparent confidence.
4) I wish to be a bush woman with survival skills and a simple life.
there are also many likeable qualities i think i possess that i will work on this year.

Anways, 2006 certainly cant be worse than 2005. exciting prospects and experiences await to be discovered. i hope you feel the same.