Aside

oh, aside from the "not having a phone is good for me" crap - if anyone can donate me a spare cell phone that i can put my SIM card in - that would be spentabulous.

ode to my cell phone

ode to my cell phone (Apr - Oct 2005):
When Dan brought you home in May, I skeptically gave you the once-over. i hated you and u're family of flip phones. Your owners always seemed so smug especially when they would end the conversation with a resounding smack as they shut your cover. yuck
But the longer I used you, the more you grew on me until i was taking pictures with the snazzy built-in camera and playing "Bejewelled" to pass time. It got so bad that if i left you at home, id come home at once to pick you up. i'd feel naked without you.
That all ended when you hit my bathroom floor on that fateful night in october. Your innards were fatally injured and though u gave me a feeble bleep, you died in my arms. Maybe it was good it ended while we were on the best of terms. Goodbye my friend.

======================================

Yes, I am phoneless. no home phone or cell phone. So if you gotta blog here or email me to reach me coz i lost all my phone numbers. Its not as hard as i thought living without a cell phone. And since my cell phone is the only connection i have with my friends, i havent been able to hook up with them either which made me go into loner phase which ive not minded so far. The only thing i miss the most about it is the SNOOZE button on it. Now, i haveto get up without my usual 3 snooze intervals coz ill defeintly sleep in. Boo. I also have lost all concept of time as I dont own a watch either. Its kind of cool coz its always an adventure to get to places on time. ahh none of you phone junkies will understand.

Last friday was an eye opener. Me and 3 friends were walking down commercial where we saw this woman on the ground. I must admit i would have just kept on walking by but Jill stopped and asked her if she was okay. She was absolutley wasted and had a mixture of booze and puke all over her. We helped her up and walked her to her apartment. ill keep it short - it was gross. there were coacroaches and insects everywhere. We made her toast, cleaned up and washed her dishes. It was even sadder hearing her story and it seemed so incomplete leaving her and then going back home to our own normal lives. And, i kept imagining a certain someone i knew who had lost everyone and everything and how she could fall into that position and how terrible it would be. Its weird how people say that we were great and we went out of our way and we should feel good about ourselves but i didnt. it made me feel worse. I was sad too because i knew if it was up to me, i would have just passed her by when this is really what we should be doing. Its painful seeing the two worlds that co-exist side by side but are kept at an arm's length. crazy shit.

ahh school. i dont know what you do with you. So i kicked ass in both my psych courses but failed chem. the average was 45% (me included). arggg - i want to conquer you but i honestly dont care. im thinking of dropping all my science courses next semester and switching to psych for good. at least it will make me feel worthwhile.

SO since im friendless for a while, ive spent more time on my music. I played bass at granville on sunday and it was good considering it was my first time. Im playing for another 2 weeks - woo. Also Dan, re-trung our guitar finally so some coldplay and jack johnson was relearned. Btw, the Killers Album "Hot Fuss" is sweet bus music. Serenaded by Mr. Flowers voice and the melodic rock-pop-synthesizer business = i heart the killers. and damn them if i dont love every single song on that album.

Peace out hommie G's.

Music: Everything will be Alright - The Killers
Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave

my loves

our mask of reality.

ahh....i was thinking of how unreal people are...the many people i have relationships with seem so normal but inside many of us are in such sadness, pain and anguish. Its seems ironic that we are laughing and tlaking about the weather when our minds are constantly battling with our brimming emotions. We're stuck at this superficial level where everything is okay but when u probe deeper, you discover something is not right, and in the best of intentions, you attempt to "fix me" but i reject your offer of support and to thank you, i alienate you because i regret ever telling you and i want to believe it will go away by itself.
i wont even pretend that its even possible to be open and loving all the time to everyone. Offering up love coupled with blantant honesty and acceptace seems so impossible but yet we're apparently called to do it.
maybe we couldnt handle it anways. we're hardwired to look out for 'numero uno'. so we're private souls carrying our own burdens because maybe id crumble if i had to carry you too.

procrastination at its best.

arggg. chem frustrates me. i could spend hours at it and it would still frustrate me. im scared shitters for my midterm (fail rate of 60%) so Im up at 1:50AM to make myself feel better about being inept at it. My midterm is on Thurs evening at 7 pm. no thanks, i dont relaly want to spend all day freaking out about it but why should you Mr. evil professor man care what i think. (Evil professor man calls us 'stupid' and tells us that we probably wont understand anythig in class and we need to 'ruminate' at home for 2-3 hrs every night. wtf
on friday, i will need your re-affirmation that i am a valuable human being and bombing my chem midterm is not a slight on my charater but an insignificant event that will soon be repressed by some much needed milkshakes with jill and gill.

sidenote 1: my abnormal psych prof told us panic attacks may be caused by people who are heavy caffeine drinkers. it's called 'caffineism'. beware you cafe artigianoers/starbuckers/caffeine pill takers (me=alloftheabove)

sidenote 2: ive was just reminded that halloween is soon. what are people doing for halloween? can u believe ive never been trick or treating? my childhood has been deprived. AND how annoying is it that stores are already CHRISTMAS theming?? you SUCK.

sidenote 3: i think i attract old men. Today, one sat across from me on the bus, and waved to me at random intervals which was odd. And, another one peered under my umbrella and smiled at me which was odder still. (i think i was more offended because he had to look 'under'--->reminding me how short i am) maybe when im 50+ i will appreciate this.

YAY, the caffine pills are starting to kick in. i guess i should get back to chem. ugh

Sweet Shows

Metric concert: Oct 30 (20 bucks) . My Chemical Romance - Dec 10 (30 bucks) . Two pretty rocking shows ill bet. And not too pricey . Want to come with?

Ephinany

Hi all,
So i had this epiphany today when i woke up... "Sue, you gotta get out of here". This is a pattern of thought that has crossed my mind for a year now but I havent really taken it seriously. But right now, im just tired of the 'same old'. Everything is the same old. UBC, relationships, friends, life in general. There is nothing to get me excited in the morning when i wake up. I feel like im just plogging through life relentlessly because thats what people are supposed to do. Maybe im scared of change even though its supposedly for the better. I need to bust on out of that scaredness coz i may be missing out on so much.
Not to say, when i do get off my ass and leave ---> everything will migically turn amazing---> I will have discovered a new purpose, zeal and passion.
But hopefully Ill get a new perspective on life.
So what shall i do? I was thinking studying abroad. Or working on this ship Doulous which travels around the world. Or just traveling aimlessly being a 'bush woman' discovering the world.

Maybe i just feels like this coz my chem midterm is stressing the crap out of me and im willing to do aything and everything to stay away from chemistry which is the bane of my existence.

die chem die

hello all

hello all. Nice of you to join me as i decide to jump on the bandwagon of blogging. Feel free to share u're present joys/concerns/epiphanies/scandals with me. ~Sue