lover of huckabees

The essence of Sue in 25 things.

2010-01-09T02:22:00.002-08:00

Shocking. Last blog dated Feb 2007. Almost three whole years since I have unleashed my musings. In an effort to re-acquaint the blogging world with the joy of me, I am posing a Facebook note that spoke of all things that were truly 'me'. However, this was also created one year ago, so I will update it with current developments and goings-on.

The essence of Sue in 25 things
1. I love rain. I understand it makes most people depressed but it has the opposite effect on me. The sound raindrops make when they hit my umbrella makes me want to sing. Oh yea, I love rain because it probably matches my dark black soul.
**Rain still matches my dark soul. The world smells as it should only after a good drizzle.

2. I love to sing. especially in the shower. People ask me how I learned to sing harmony. Its because I can't sing the melody line of most songs. A mixed blessing.
**I didn't realize I don't sing much anymore till reading this. Combination of not going to church regularly and apparently not showering enough. Bummer.

3. I love music. There is nothing that touches my soul more. It is kind of awful but most of the time, I don't know lyrics to songs. There is just something in the musical creation itself. I also play the bass, guitar and piano but Im not amazing at any.. just mediocrely good. I have my seasons with each instrument while the others lay gathering dust. This semester, I am going to re-discover the piano. YES!
**My musicality is for me and me alone. When I play, it is a time for many things: a concert for one, a theraputic release, a place to vent, a language to express words that cannot be uttered, a creation to be birthed, a prize to be kept hidden. I have never felt comfortable calling myself a musician, one who harnessed their musical talent into a repetoire of musical products. My musical creations were to be used and enjoyed in the moment, but later forgotten. Conversely, I love supplementing other people's musical creations. Adding harmonies, little keyboard tinkles, a new bass line.....tweaking and sharing in a musical display for something that is not mine somehow brings me much joy.

4. My love languages are "words of encouragement" and "quality time". So remember to spend time with me and tell me how friggin awesome I am ;)
**Nothing new. I'm still needy :P

5. I love people a lot. I also get disappointed with people a lot. But I can never tell them so I will just ignore them for a while as payback. Gosh, I am so glad those psychology courses I took are finally paying off;)
**Changed! Although I still sometimes ineffectively communicate my disappointment through implicit (and un-noticable) modes of communication, I am learning to lay it on the line and speak my mind. This has led to disastrous outcomes but I assume that I will find a happy medium over time.

6. When I was younger, I was affectionately (?!) called sue-sue which means pee in my language.
**I have no more brown friends to fear this coming up. Thank goodness Dan has the memory of an old man.

7. When I was 10-12, I used to eat ice-cream for breakfast, brunch and lunch. Pistachio and mango. mmmmhmmmmmm! Also, I will always trade ice-cream or any form of dessert for real food. No question.
**That's ME....

8. I don't have my L.
**HAHA. Still don't. Oh deary. No fear, a fire has been lighted under my bum - my job is dependent on it! As a school psychologist, you have 3-5 schools under your wings. More importantly, you have test kits that fit into whole suitcase to lug around to the 3-5 schools in a day. Its bad when your supervior tells you that you are one of the more "challenging" students to place because you don't know how to drive. Its also bad when kids who were not born yet when you were in double digits, now have their licence. I still maintain that I will be a fast learner because I kick ass in go-karting.

9. When I got into University, I was so jealous that the people in the Faculty of Art painted and drew all day.

10. I am very proud of my 1/64 Jewish heritage. I try and drop it into normal conversation as much as possible. It is definetly legit and no one can tells me otherwise (even though an Israeli girl did try once - ppssshhhhhh).
**'Nuff said

11. As a kid, I would read and re-read my books all day everyday. I never played with my brother but he turned out alright. But, as a result of perusing worded pages all dahen y, I never learned essential kid skills like riding a bike, rollerblading, ice-skating, climbing trees which now I have to make up for.
**I love to re-read books over and over and over again. Its like I put the knowledge of how the book ends in another part of my brain under lock and key. I think its because I'm such a fast reader that I miss many details the first, second, third time so that each time I get some new pieces of the book every time. This also limits the number of new books I want to read because I'm still catching up with the old ones!

12. Even though I didn't play with my brother, I was a tomboy and played with all the other boys. We would always fight for this particular room in my church to play in and I would always fight on behalf of all the girls. And I would win. Then the girls would put on dance shows and play with Barbies.
**I bet I could still take them on now. I'm a fiesty one!

13. My brother gave me a black eye once and HE started crying right after. Does this fit? Sorry, I just wanted to put that somewhere.
**This makes me laugh out loud every time I read it.

14. My life is an organized mess. I love organizing ONLY when I have more important things to do. Like I spent all day today cleaning my room only because I have 2 papers due on Tuesday. Oh yea, and Im writing this note......
**Organization is the bane of my existance.

15. I will wash dishes, sweep, vacuum, dust and do any chore as long as I don't have to cook. If it were up to me, I would eat sandwiches (and ice-cream) all day long. I don't hate cooking. I just hate how long it takes and how I can't open up the fridge and just start tossing things in to create deliciousness. Also, I think other people's cooking always tastes better than my own. Maybe its because they can make things other than burned charcoal.
**in spite of my apathy and distaste of cooking, I love watching cooking shows. Its all about living vicariously through others.

16. You will never see me without a hot drink in my right hand. I am a very slow hot drink drinker. If I bought a coffee at 9am, I would still be enjoying it at 11-12. I like the best of both worlds: hot--->iced coffee. On a side note, I have recently switched to tea. Specifically, Earl's Grey is da bomb. And thanks to Carla and my handy-dandy MEC mug, my tea stays hot for more than 5 hours.
**Switched back to regular good ol coffee. I must be coffee-shops' biggest customer. Now, I have a schedule of visiting a string of regular coffeeshops on specific days - gotta spread the love.

17. I love the scar on my face my 'battle scar'. It adds character. And you should see what the other girl looked like after the fight..... ;)
**Although apparently my dad cringes everytime he sees my face because of this scar, it has become a part of my face that seems to have always been there. I love it lots.

18. I love accents. If you were a boy, who had an accent, and was a musician...gosh, that's like 10 bonus points right there. There was a period of time when I used my British accent so often that it would inadventently pop out when I didn't mean to which was a little scary. Also, I have been told that my accent is too fake which has made me all the more determined to perfect it. HA
**I roadtripped with a friend to Seattle and spoke with an accent the entire trip. I think she wanted to strangle me by the end. She didn't think I was very good either.

19. I hate reading my thoughts on paper. I kept a joural for a week and when I read it a year later, I ripped it to shreds. This is why I can't write songs. which makes me feel very un-musicanish.
**Not going to lie, it was hard not to delete the previous blogposts.

20. I hate insects or anything that crawls or has feelers. It is the only thing that I would happily ask a boy to take care of.
**I killed my first spider at a friend's house this year. Living in appartments doesn't prepare for the creepy crawlies that abound in houses. All it took was one newspaper, one box, and one loud and strong battlecry to carry out the deed. The entire episode lasted a full 30 minutes with the pep talks and false starts. Gosh, I'm such a girl.

21. I could hang out in coffeeshops all day long. I think 4-5 on a Sunday with Jill and Amy was the most in a day. This also probably explains my depleted bank account and caffine addiction.
**Coffeshops are the best for many reasons. Comfy seats, being around people without having to interact with them or opportunities to meet new people, sometimes having a comfortable level of white noise, other times being a source for very interesting eavesdroppings! I'm been privy to job interviews, breakups, awkward first dates, office gossips, fights, concerned friends, parental pep talks....

22. I love water. I love being above, in front on, beside, on top of any body of water. I just hate being inside the water.
**being near water soothes my soul making me at peace with the chaotic world.

23. I am a horrible decision-maker. I will flop-flop and flippity-flop a hundred times. But usually once I make a decision, it feels right and I have no regrets.

24. I have recently sold my soul to a day timer. I hate it with a passion. I hate that my spontaneity has been bridled and I haveto have my day scheduled into fixed blocks of time. I will probably burn it at the end of the year.
*Ugh. Day planners kill the soul.

25. I love camping but I lack basic survival knowledge. On a camping trip this summer, I picked up a few tips such as bringing an axe, fire-starter and matchsticks are essential in starting a fire. Maybe I can bring my day planner as firestarter next time. Also, having a sleeping bag that doesn't let out the heat (because it was bought in the deserts of Dubai) is definetly not a good thing.
*One of my most loved things: the smell of a campfire. One of my other most loved things: eating hotdogs toasted in the campfire. One of my third most loved things: going home with all my clothes smelling of the campfire, which won't be washed for weeks to preserve the smell. Stars, fireflies, nature, good company also make camping a favourite activity.

***I have successfully boiled down the essence of sue into 25 things. I suppose I am but a simple soul.

story about prayer

2007-07-03T01:28:00.001-07:00

so, I had been struggling with the issue of prayer for a couple of months. The fact of the matter was...I didn't believe prayer changed things. I believed God had a plan and that plan would come to happen whether I wanted it to or not. The only thing I could ask from God was the ability to deal with the situation given to me. This conclusion was reached after a number of events in my life where things I had prayed for just didn't come to pass the way I wanted them to so I had given up on thinking prayer changed things.
But I started feeling really discouraged. God didn't really listen to me, I felt so powerless and vulnerable. But, maybe I was misinterpreting all those passages in the bible that talked about the power of prayer. Maybe the reason I felt my life was in shambles was that I wasn't being bold in prayer and was missing out on all these blessings God had in store for me. more importantly, I was scared God didn't appreciate my questions and was disappointed in my lack of faith.
Anways, so....life went on this way for some time until two weeks ago when I was feeling super stressed about planning camp. We didn't have a speaker and still needed 18 counsellors and I was just so anxious. I don't usually show how worried I am but started to not be able to sleep and just nothing being able to do anything but pray for help because I knew I couldn't do it on my own. I was just getting rejected left, right and center and I was just so tired of having doors shut in my face. There was nothing left that I could do on my own and it was like this instinctive reflex to ask god to take control even when I had spent the past few months telling myself it would never work.
So, I went to church on Sunday and talked to a few people on speaking up at camp. They were polite, seemed interested but very non-commital. Througout the service, I started feeling nervous again. I decided to ask the pastor's wife if she knew of any available women to recommend as a speaker to me. She took one look at me and told me she would like to pray with me. As soon as she finished praying, Im not kidding you, one lady who I had briefly talked to before the service, came up to me and told me that throughout the service, God had been speaking to her and telling her that she should take this opportunity!Not only did God answer my prayer but he did it at the speed of light.

Thank you God for being faithful to me even when I question if you really do have things under control. I am so weak and imperfect but you remind me that it is all about you. Thank you.

ugly baby

2007-04-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

has anyone ever seen an ugly baby? i don't think it is even possible. the ugly baby on Seinfeld must be a myth.

just let me be.

2007-04-01T22:08:00.000-07:00

figures that after being lulled into pleasant complaceny by temporary peace I would crash into reality with a god-awful day from start to finish. I am frustrated. frustrated with people who for the most part are great but then somehow manage to forget their behaviour affects other people - maybe it would be an excuse if they were ignorant of their hurtful ways but knowingly not caring abouts ins conseqences makes it so much aggravating.
maybe its me - i have unreasonable expectations of how people ought to behave - maybe i need to develop thick skin and learn to not be affected - i don't understand why our best intentions always conflict with each others - how can we all have different points of view that are equally valid and important to us but cannot translate to each other? don't you wish you could play-back your questionable/hurtful actions in order to justify it to the recipient - if only they knew the underlying motivation behind why i acted this way, Im sure they would understand, maybe even agree that it was the only course of action?
maybe i should just get off my high horse and realize i am most guilty of self-preservation myself- maybe i think of myself as superior in the areas of empathy and kindness and measure everyone upto those standards but am blind to the actual plight of everyone around me because i only notice when things don't go measure up to my "standard" which is meaningless and probably full of self-righteous crap.
...maybe i should just go to bed to end today faster.

flip-flop joy

2007-03-28T22:43:00.000-07:00

I am good, school is good, life is good. really can't complain. in more exciting news: I busted out my flip-flops yesterday and my toes literally screamed with joy. If you know me, you understand how happy this makes me.

celebrity look-alikes

2006-12-08T21:08:00.001-08:00

My celebrity look-alike says i look like rachel weitz, halle berry and mariah carey. aw shucks. this is definetly a step up from Raven Simone.

bane of my life-->papers

2006-11-20T01:06:00.000-08:00

guess who discovered she had another paper tomorow on top of 2 other incomplete papers....WHAT?? papers are the bane of my past, current and future. Thank god coffee is being sold again.
on a happier note-->guess who is almost 21 in two weeks. woot.

murphy's law

2006-10-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

why does everything bad happen at once?
lost my notebook....misplaced my glasses....lost my wallet....lost my damn mind.
GAH!
oh yah - did i mention Dan lost his wallet the day before i did? shit.
------------------------------
<a week later : sue finds her notebook....her glasses...AND her wallet is waiting for her in RIchmond (weeee) but she is still looking for her damn mind>
PS: i heart Ok Go muchly http://youtube.com/watch?v=NINJQ5LRh-0

update

2006-09-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

heya,
me thinks a quick update in order. School has once again resumed sucking my soul....(in a good way). My most interesting class by far is Indian Mythology. Since I only am an Indian by skin colour with no knowledge of its past or traditions, it is cool to learn of its fascinating but decidedly bizarre origins. My prof is one of those bumbling young passionate ones who are espcially cute when teaching - I like mucho but he is a hard hard man - 100 pages of reading for every class = BOO.
My schedule sucks ass :( In addition to full-time school, I volunteer at a psych lab studying creativity and mindwandering (very cool!) along with being a junior leader at granville (i have more fun that the kids) - meaning I will have no social life this semester.....please don't forget what i look like.
Much love,
PS: To the Killers: Please please PLEASE put more tickets on sale.....you have no idea how happy you would make me.

goodbye little igora

2006-08-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

just got home from anvil - awesome but hard week. very different experience from pioneer. got home to the worst news about the death of Dan's friend. in a weird place right now. hope everyone is doing good.

grace like rain falls down on me

2006-07-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

Hey-o,
so ive returned from a glorious week at camp - words can't express how i feel - this year it was way more emotional leaving staff and kids than last year - (and somehow they're all taller than me ~sigh)
** I was scared going up being music leader as i only had a guitarist (me), a lead singer and drummer and i was scared because I had never played guitar in front of people before - let alone 100 girls but at camp, I found a flutist, sax player, pianist, 3 vocalists along with a part-time bassist and jambe player....is that not cool or what?
**Another special moment was the last night in chapel when I saw girls crying because it would be their last year at girls' camp.
**Also, going about camp and listening to girls singing snatches of "grace like rain"
Anyways, I could go on and on.......but in a nutshell, I haven't felt so energized in a long time inspite of lack of sleep the whole week - I can't wait to do another week at Anvil.
God, you are too cool.

i like sun

2006-06-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

hey hey, I hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful sunshine wherever they are. I know I enjoy birds chirping more than anything except it is often overshadowed by the constant drum of construction outside my window. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr evil construction.......
so Jen's wedding was yesterday. First of all, the premise of "Wedding Crashers" is dead on. Love was in the air as the lovey-dovey bride and groom walked hand in hand admist a multitude of cute babies and adorable flowergirls which consequently reduced every non-stone-hearted girl to mush. Seriuosly tho, Jen was a beautiful bride and most importantly, it was a beautiful celebration of love.
ME??? Im done my intense summer course (last week was disgusting)!! weeee, aside from Kumon, camp planning and a distance ed course, i am free to devote my energies elsewhere.

***skills to be improved/learned this summer (in no special order) :
1) learn to swim more than one lap in a swimming pool
2) learn proper frisbee throwing/tennis skills
3) learn to make more than pasta and meat sauce
4) develop beautiful hemp making skills
5) become more aware of past history and current events
6) channel my musical love into song writing
7) break my insecure shell in search of fruitful ways to grow and serve

Im sure there are more but feel free to keep me accountable. Most of all, i will greatly enjoy time with old and new friends who bring great joy to my life. yes, that means YOU :)
much love as always, ~sue
PS: Safe travels to Darja, my most adventurous friend, who after sojourning in Costa rica for the month, left for France/Bosnia this week and will be having Lara Croft adventures in pyramids! crazy girl. also, Kim's back - yay

worry is a good thing?

2006-05-30T15:11:00.000-07:00

*Me, dan and my dad were walking to our car in the parking lot when my dad stops and points to a glittering thing hanging off the rafters - it was my favourite necklace that i lost in september! what a special way to start off my day...
*so, i got an email from camp saying we have 78 girls registered - currently the most of any camp this summer - ironically we are also the camp with the least staff - I don't know what to do - our leadership team all won't be together till July so we can't plan, most of our staff can't make it back, we've all exhausted asking all our friends/freind's of friends/friends of friends of friends to be staff.....which leaves us with a) making a plethora of new friends in 1.5 months who are pre-disposed to loving camp b)trusting God to bring the right people because we obviously need a miracle. he can't let himself down can he? But on the flip side, tis cool to see the awesome staff we have already and I guess feeling a little anxious will keep us on our toes.
*eek - jen is married in 2 weeks - i need to find a dress (after showing up for warren's wedding with flip flops and jeans) - unfortunately shopping is the bane of my life. also, yay for friends coming back - ive missed them mucho!!
*lastly, some people hate the photocopier - i hate my garborator...it has a life of its own, and the purpose of its existence is to spite me - i need to learn plumbing skills asap.

courtenay

2006-05-26T18:12:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my amigo Courteney eating a plate of delicious calamari at the one and only Stephos - LOOK at that plate - I finally finished my plate of deliciousness in one go - woo.

computer-less too

2006-05-11T23:10:00.000-07:00

so while not being phone-able, my computer decides to be play hookey with a virus...sue was not happy camper - why must everything bad wait to happen at the same time especially since those are the only two things I actually care about losing - well, if my ipod died i think i would cry - but eric is a darling again and gave us a phone - he rocks my socks.
School's started up again and its fun but super intense. Right after work at Kumon, i head for a 3 hour class on family studies twice a week from 7-10 - yuck! But the dude is older and has a wicked dry sense of humor with amusing tidbits of personal family life so I like.
So my Kumoners seem to think I look like Raven from "Thats so Raven"....not exactly a stellar compliment I must say.
Goodbye Gill - see you in u're moo moo soon.

school is done sucking my soul

2006-04-29T22:38:00.000-07:00

so last nite, death cab was amazing but franz ferdinand truly rocked me socks especially their sweet sweet many man drum song - i gots the sweet shirt to remember their awesomeness by.
today was pretty crazy too - lots of goodbyes to be said: first to jilly and jonny, then met up with darja who with 3 of my other amigoes are hitting up beautiful costa rica for five weeks - my soul will be sad without all of them. After sad goodbyes, poor caitlin who i promised to help move today surprised me by having everything done thanks to super boyfriend marcus so all i had to do was vaccuum and eat cookies. Finally after pizza and DQ blizzards, the day is done and i can finally go to bed at a decent hour and dream of the glorious summer to follow.
PS: happy birthday to my bro who is awesome but maddening all at the same time.

cellphone-less....again

2006-04-22T00:19:00.000-07:00

so youd think id be getting used to this predicament - but no. this sucks.

Weird Canadians

2006-04-12T00:32:00.000-07:00

The Wintersleep show kicked ass. awesome musicians
who soon got the crowd singing their hearts out. This was the guitar/piano man who stole my heart that night.
Also, Arts County was the same drunken fest of every year, but surprisingly the New Pornographers rocked my socks off. Go Vancouver indie/rock/70's sounding band.

Today, i stood by Jason Statham in Starbucks also known as "Turkish" from the movie "Snatch" who i recognized by his voice (which i think is sexy). He was this nice guy who was chatting up the barrista and promised to go see her show next week - wowzers! This was my first sure celebrity sighting even tho Dan swears that we stood by Cedric the Entertainer who thanked us for moving aside (also at the same Starbucks). Lucky ex-Urban Farer Danny has seen Colin Farrel, Jessica Biel to name a few and im sure YOU my humble reader have seen your fair share. I guess this is prime celebrity sighting area as we live right by Opus (supposedly 7-star hotel of Vancouver - which you could never tell by its looks - and no, we are not worth much more than the carpet of Opus). Ive come to the conclusion that Canadian dont give a damn if we're in breathing space of stardom. Where are the crazy papparazi? screaming fans? army of bodyguards? they have time to go see concerts with performing Starbucks employees?? Also, do they feel offended if you dont ask them for an autograph?? Weird Canadians.
Also today i got money from the govt - so what if it was small? free money is always welcome in my bank account.
So as i think of my schedule for the next three days, i visibly shudder. 2 exams and a paper in there somewhere (obviously thats why i chose to blog - we all know how much i love writing papers - die paper die!) sleep, how i will miss thee.
Save me??

randoms

2006-03-25T13:39:00.000-08:00

so, I dare say, the best feeling in the world is sleeping for 13 hours straight and waking up to the realization I can go back to sleep for another 13 hours if I so desired. hey hey, i passed through a dark place in my life filled with caffinated all-nighters - allow me to indulge in my guilty pleasure. Only one more paper to go - afte wrting a 14 page one - I could do this 4 page one in my sleep.

factoid #1 - Another highlight was the culinary delights i experienced recently - my novel thai experience is well worth an honorary mention as the fried banana with mango icecream alone made my day. I cant remember what foods were on my plate but they were delicious.

also eric's deep fryer was used to cook donuts (gills genius idea) , nuggets and fries that were delicious but this was masked a little by the gross realization that we had used more than a litre of oil in one sitting - yuck.

factoid #2: my social psych teacher was in the news yesterday as she had been attacked by sharks in hawaii - maybe next time she'll think twice about assigning papers while she snorkels in hawaii for the week eh.

factoid #3: As Jill enlightened me, spring equinox has begun meaning an egg can be balanced on its tips - try it - funness will ensue. Her record has been leaving an egg balanced for more than 3 days! (this is my succesful attempt before it soon fell off the table and and cracked)

factoid #4 - Has anyone seen James Blunt perform on tv? His voice is amazing and his face is so emotion-ridden - he cries when he performs - intresting.

finally, lets be thankful spring has started to work its magic on our sad souls. I could do with a cheerer-up-er.

eavesdropper

2006-03-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

so whilst enjoying my coffee and cramming for midterms in starbucks, i have been privy to many an interesting conversation - awkward first date, awesome first date, hopeless job interview, diplomatic empolyee disciplining to mention a few. yes - this has been the highlite of my current week- i swear i dont mean to be nosy but i must say these moments have provided me entertainment and hilarity.
Being on a budget sucks ass. especially when ure careful with your money in the first place. how do broke students have a life? ne tips?
Lastly, kudos to Kim&Ali who had an amazing Thailand experience complete with squatting toilets, Ron&Lane who are back in Edmonton planning a wedding, Darja who bought a beautiful black fender guitar, Cailtin&Marcus who decided to go to Europe in the summer, James who is one step closer to joining the RCMP, Sarah who got accepted to go study in Scotland next year and Ruth Cummings who became Granville's first woman speaker.
PS:The guy on the bus is in the army and wants to get posted in Dubai - he's a smart cookie - dubai is kickass.

where do babies come from?

2006-02-20T21:38:00.000-08:00

so today, my one of my curious wee kumoners asked me this very question. We had been talking about bird eggs when he demanded to know where babies came from. "umm...uhh....they grow big in your mommy's tummy....?!?" But how do they come OUT? do they get ripped open from the stomach?? to whch another bright kumoner replied with a straight face"no, they get pooped out" i nearly died laughing.
unfortunately, i didnt feel it my place to educate them with the old birds and bees story (does anyone KNOW why its the birds and the bess anyways??) so i hastily directed their attention elsewhere. any tips in case this very scenario occurs in the future?

coffeehouse

2006-02-19T00:04:00.000-08:00

so the coffeehouse is done - so i decided i really dont like playing keyboard- id much rather stick to the bass - especially since i HAVE perfected the bass nod and dance. we were aiight but the other acts were frickin smoking especially after when the guy serenaded karl with britney spears. mmm.
so, im officially screwd, i haveto read 13 chapters by tuesday for midterms and monday is a writeoff. gross. so much for 'reading' week eh.
AND in most exciting news: we're going to see franz ferdinand and death cab in april. can i head a WOOT WOOT?

silence is beaut

2006-02-14T14:23:00.000-08:00

so this is the best day is a while because im all alone in my house - this is absolutely glorious because this doesnt happen much. last week was brutal, sleep deprived+hyper-caffineated=receipe for disaster. 2 midterms on one day sucks major ass. but to celebrate the week's demise me, caitlin, leanne and mel went out to blarney stone to dance the night away. None of us had ever been there - it was like a barnyard with an irish band with more jumping and less dancing. leanne and mel had told us of their days in argentina this summer when they would dance to the wee hours in the morning but i think they felt really old in the midst of this young, drunken, groping crowd of young uns so we left as the third bar fight was ending. They promised us to outdance us next time. we'll see.
so i was out practising with joce and her band for the coffeehouse last nite. i really feel talent-less beside them - they're absoeltly amazing esp joce and jonathan who bring it on guitar. come and watch this sat at granville. it will be wicked.
PS: is chuck norris making a comeback? what with the sudden craze. i dont understand.

im a poser and a wuss

2006-02-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

so i was at starbucks with my bass and the guy notices my bass and recognizes the case which is like the one he owns....he then asked me the number one question every musician should know about their instrument - what brand is it? "ugh, i have no clue" say I sheepishly. He gives me an awkward look that makes me feel like a poser. (its an 'epiphanie' for future reference) i guess brand name= money spent=quality of musician but w/e-a bass is a bass is a bass to me.
BUT exciting news: im getting to play on jeanette's EP hopefully and with Joce at the coffeehouse. thats going to be rocking. So take that mr.starbuckers.

Also, i H A T E horror movies. Seriously, I need to brand it in my brain coz i have the same conversation with myself when i find myself crouched down on my seat, with one hand fully covering one eye and the other hovering over. Brings to mind when me, Jill and Kim were suposed to see Napoleon Dynamite at UBC and somehow ended up in Alien vs Predator (which is by far the worst movie of all time) but each of us was determined not to be the first one to chicken out and leave. OR when the same adventurous trio attempted "Saw" and had to watch "Meet the Parents" to recover. I guess my only excuse was Andj had free tickets to see a PG-13 movie which makes me a complete wuss. shoot.

coldplay was that amazing.

2006-01-27T23:47:00.000-08:00

No words can describe how i felt after the coldplay concert. 18,000 people in extasy - they were just that good. Maybe it was because it was my first real huge concert, and the fact that i am in love with chris martin but i dont think it could have gotten any better.
Fiona Apple lay the groundwork with her dark sexy voice but coldplay was 1.5 hours of climatic goodness. i must admit, i was beginning to tire of their music before the concert but having it live and feeling it through every bone while dancing and singing my heart out is such an sweet experience - nothing matters except them at that moment. And Chris Martin shows you his soul. They also had amazing cinematograph of the band along with amazing lighting that just enhanced every song. I think Darja was almost was in tears. Sometimes, I feel silly to be so affected by music but glad at the same time. i hope i never lose this wonder.

and i will try....to fix you

2006-01-23T21:58:00.000-08:00

this week was emotionally draining. In general, i run from confrontation - i would rather push it under the rug and hope it goes away but i guess that ends up hurting people anyways because i ignore them for long periods of time till i figure they've learned their lesson - invariably never happens.
But last sunday, i had words with a 'friend' who said hurtful things which cuased me great discomfort. ANd the worse part was i apologized when i really should have stood my ground. I couldnt go to bed that night and finally wrote him a letter - a long letter - being blunt and maybe hurtful too. blah blah. turned out that it ended up okay in the end as we were able to talk about it and it wasnt tense or awkward like i expected. maybe this is a good learning experience for me.
Also, i had to deliver the awkward news of my parents splitting up in october this week to unsuspecting friends which was made awkwarder by the fact that people are only finding 0ut this week and i haveto be the sole bearer of this news to everyone.
I just hate dealing with the questions, the what ifs and the breakdowns that invariably happen as i haveto relive it everytime i tell someone. I do say, i am becoming pretty efficent and cold hearted while delievring the news. ive gone from crying to sitting down the person opposite me....putting their guard down by talking about the weather, and then nonchanlantly remarking ' i expect you've heard about my parents' and most have by now since little birdies talk to them..and then following it up with a 'yea, i guess things happen for a reason' The End.
Oi, its hard and there are still so many people left to tell and i just feel this expectation that they need to see me greieving and help me through it but we're already past it and am moving on. more than anything we need you to treat us the same as the one thing i dread is awkwardness so please move along with us.

Anways, to funer things of life: kim came down to vancouver and i got to hang out a few days. It was like nothing had changed and she brought me happiness for a brief time. She is currently on a month tour of Thailand where she will backpack using her bush woman skills and be pampered to the fullest. Also, she showed me the nz tradition of eating Tim Tams and i will impart this knowledge with you in hopes of bettering your culinary education in case you're ever in nz and someone whips out a tim tam for your pleasure.

Tim Tams must be eaten with hot chocolate or Tea.
1)Bite the two opposite ends of a Tim Tam from top to bottom
2)Cover top hole with mouth and lower Tim Tam into hot beverage wetting the bottom qarter of it
3) Suck air from hole until you taste hot beverage coming out of it
4) Immediately place Tim Tam in mouth enjoying the gooey mass it has become.

So there, try it if you have a relative in new zealand that loves you so much they're willling to ship you a packet of tim tams.

ALSO, COLDPLAY IN 3 DAYS - im not as excited as i should be but i think my friends make up in estatic anticipation for me. i want to set my expectations low enough to be absolutley blown away into another hemisphere. AND going to see IMR on saturday. ahh what perfectness.

To end, thanks to the people who showed us you care. it means everything to me.

wham!

2006-01-11T19:16:00.000-08:00

well, a lot has happened in the last few weeks. The SueDan Clan with father now inhabits the 9th floor of our building. It has slowly become a cozy home with an entertaining view which i am loving. So far we've seen cleaning ladies at 3 am, man doing ballet in his living room and dry thunderstorms. i like.
I know ive blogged a lot of deary things like my unstableness in life but i just wish that something, or really anything was for sure and i could take a stand and say "well, its okay that .......... isnt working out because i know my feelings about ............ will never change" and it just seems the older i get, the worse my dilemmas trouble me.

i wish to be free like a bird with no worries except singing and dancing.

Things ive discovered about myself last year:
1) I like to think I am a loner at heart but secretly i love being in community.
2) I like to be in control, thus i am greatly troubled with the prospect of continued unstabilty.
3) i have a fragile self-esteem which i cover with nonchalence and apparent confidence.
4) I wish to be a bush woman with survival skills and a simple life.
there are also many likeable qualities i think i possess that i will work on this year.

Anways, 2006 certainly cant be worse than 2005. exciting prospects and experiences await to be discovered. i hope you feel the same.

happy things still do happen

2005-12-18T21:36:00.000-08:00

i wasnt going to post anything but i just found out that jen L is engaged and im overflowing in happiness for her. we all knew it was coming - some of us probably drove her crazy with checking her left hand for the ring every time they saw her - but its still happy when it happens. i guess this is prime engagement time: jordan and jenny too and many potentials? but it isnt even spring yet :S

armed with my venti sized coffee and eric's laptop i ventured into the library for the first time by myself to study. it was beautiful. ive never worked so hard on chem - i even quite liked it for a bit. all my hard work and resolve vasnished when the library closed and it took me 7 hours to get back to work at home.

hell is over tomorow. weee

oh - im not going to camp anymore coz they have an overabundance of staff so i volunteered not to go. aw shucks.

child-less

2005-12-13T02:43:00.000-08:00

i love kids.
I love watching them be fascinated by mundane things. i love hearing them sing nonsensical songs in angelic voices. i love hearing them talk in make-believe. I love their no-nonsence tell-it-like-it-is approach. they're so innocent and beautiful.
working at kumon almost makes up for the shit pay even though sometimes the older ones know more than me about rules of grammar. its crazy how absorbant they are and how they learn so much in so little time. Did you know that humans have a critical age in childhood where our brain vacuums up knowledge and abilites with effortless ease and skilll like there's no tomorow which we lose as time goes by. That is why I ski on my butt at whistler while there are 5 yr olds tackling freaking triple black diamonds.

monday seems like forever. die chem die.

seasons

2005-12-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to say other than today was a gorgeous day. I go to UBC and see the last pitiful remains of snow on the golf course still looking beautiful to me in bright sunlight - it makes me smile.
I like rain too. Like, when you're under your umbrella and hear raindrops plonk and everything smells fresh - thunderstorms are like a present.
I love autumn and the huge pile of every-imaginable-shade-of-yellow-orange-red-brown leaves just waiting for me to wade through.
I cant believe its summer in some parts of the world and they have Christmas with no snow but a Santa Claus on the beach in a speedo - oi (thats for you kimmers)

New going-ons:
*I eat, sleep, dream nightmares of chem but am not motivated to learn it. but i dropped my chem course next semester (coulnt bring myself to drop bio too).... one baby step closer to being an exclusive arts student.
*i "may" have found my calling: educational psycologist assessing learning disabilities in children - exciting prospects.
*ive druken 9 coffees and 1 eggnog latte in the past 3 days. (i was a latte virgin before - they're my new find)

Music: In Medias Res - Shake Her

psych-o-mania

2005-12-07T21:34:00.000-08:00

man, i have never enjoyed studying anything more than i enjoy studying psych. I know you are probably a skeptic like the rest of the masses: think psych is bull and not a valid science as there are explanations for everything and your own behaviour/thoughts/strengthes are unique (false uniqueness effect)and unpredictable. You are also wary of me turning into an over-analzing psycho-babbler who will make you sit on my couch and interpret your dreams while analzing while you wore that blue shirt with that disastourously ugly orange pair of slacks. ugh

However, I recommend social psych to everyone, you have no idea how applicable psych is to everything and how common sense it may be. For example, things ive learned:
1) to make future girlfriend/boyfriend like you more , take them to a scary movie as they will think their arousal while watching the scary movie is due to attraction for you and not because they're scared.

2) mild punishment vs serve punishment works better as severe punishment teaches child to avoid activity only to avoid punishment (but attractiveness of the activity is heightened and child may engage in it once you the evil punisher isnt around) but mild punishment teaches child to actually change their own view of forbidden activity as they're not threatened with severe punishment and therefore must not like it.

3) Cognitive dissonace (caused by when u're actions are contrary to your values) can actually change your values. For example, two people both have initial values (think cheating is bad) want to go to med school, must ace final and realize they're not going to do well unless they cheat - cognitve dissonace created no matter what they do:
a)if you dont cheat (moral person) but low chance of getting accepted (i just ruined chances) = people who cheat are immoral despicable ppl.
b)If you cheat (everyone does it), good chances of getting accepted = change views to be lenient towards cheating.

4)people dislike others more after doing THEM harm (wars) but people like others more after doing them a favour.

5) people actually believe a lie they've told ONLY if there is no reward for lying - they actually change their beliefs to justify lying vs people who lie to others for a reward.

6) Emotions are arbitrary : you feel arousal and then seek plausible explanations to explain what emotion that is. Also, you can change your emotion by changing the explanation of arousal.

7) Subliminal messaging doesnt work even though ppl are convinced they have been influenced by them.

yes, i have a final tomorow therefore this is all vegetating in my head. i just randomly wrote those down, there's tons more like what type of advertising makes you buy products, where to places product to increase sales, how people justify their illogical actions, when do attitudes predict bhaviour. if you dont think this is super fascinating, wait till tomorow when i study abnormal psych. wooo

after psych is over, its going to be so depressing studyng for chem and bio :(

MUSIC: Wintersleep album - sweet indie goodness.

20 - whaa?

2005-12-02T01:02:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to me. im offically old.
thank you to the friends from near and far who made my day special by remembering- espcailly Darja who waited till the stroke of midnite to send me a brithday song with MC Hammer dance moves.
i feel uber love that has inflated my ego to new heights - u guys rock.

blah

2005-11-25T23:50:00.000-08:00

im tired.
i feel that ive been tired for the last two years. i want to go on a long hiatus....somewhere with water...and palm trees...and birds singing....and sun....and bongoes and endless time.

i wish my family would undersatnd me.
i wish i had a good enough voice and good enough skill in bass/guitar/piano to play climatic music for a living.
i wish i was inspired enough to make a difference.
i wish my heart would stop breaking and would become stone-cold.
i wish turning 20 was not scary.

i just wish.....

soul meets body

2005-11-19T23:31:00.000-08:00

dry coughs suck. its a form of public torture too especially if you're in an enclosed space ie the BUS as you see people disgustedly shrink away from you as you cough up a storm. and the worst part is there's nothing to cough up but you're body is just racked with the urge to hack away for a good chunk of time loud enough so everyone in the bus is aware of who they should stay away from. and just when you think its over...it starts again...ugh

so i went to a cmap meeting last night and met with the 'leadership team'. its kind of intimidating since they're all camp people who have been to camp for eons and eons but they all seem pretty sweet and pumped up. im helping out with activities/program and hopefully playing bass - my 2 most favourite things to do at camp :D

today i went to aaron beckingham's baptism. it was sweet and his parents are some of the most nicest people ive met. i enjoyed going there today.

im tired and i haveto write a psych paper on motivation vs punishment in babies-teen by tonight. Also my dad is dragging me and my brother to some wedding of his client. its a sikh wedding which will be quite interesting with all that singing, dancing and bling-bling that ive seen on tv - lets not forget the food either.

ive been on for new music and some death cab for cutie songs found itself into my heart. 'soul meets body' is a heavenly song.

ciao.

Music: soul meets body - death cab for cutie

cell phone back on

2005-11-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

i have a phone again thanks to my dear friend eric :)

silly sue moment: i get to ubc today and somehow convince myself i arrived one hour earlier than needed so i mosy around the bookstore. I realize only when class was almost done that this was sadly not the case and run like the wind to class to catch her final words.. silly sue - what a waste of time.

But i also ran into a guy from high school who i hadnt seen for 3 years. would have totally passed him by if he didnt stop me. that was the highlight of my day along with kicking ass on a psych exam that i shouldnt have. the lowlight of my day will be the current all-nighter that i must endure to write a bio paper that bores me to tears.

i cant believe school is almost done.
freedom....i can almost taste you.

CoLdPLaY iS My CliMaTiC uToPiA

2005-11-11T13:28:00.000-08:00

IM GOING TO SEE COLDPLAY!! ---> this is an estactically happy thought and i cant wait to see them. (if interested, they play at GM place on jan 26th - woooo)

this week was not bad. im still super behind in everything and hopefully this weekend will be productive in chem and bio craziness.

I talked to kim in nz and that was sweet. i miss her and our random fun so. i cant wait for her to come visit and maybe take me to New Zealand hidden in her suitcase.
Im thinking of going up to camp for New Years. This will be definetly something new and hopefully ill get to bass it up. We have more staff than kids i hear but im sure that will change. im actually super excited the more i think about it.

Man, i cant wait till December. though my exam schedule sucks ass, i just cant wait to have time: time to sit by my window and watch the rain fall on the leaves, time to play piano/guitar and bass everyday (and maybe pick up the bongoes), time to experiment and cook deluctable delights, time to sketch my abstract thoughts, time to learn how to hacky-sack, time to write songs, time to learn how to juggle, time to play badminton.....
don't you ever wish you could stop time - if i ever meet a genie, i would ask him for an infinete supply of wishes and when he sighs and refuses id ask him for the ablity to stop time.
Its my birthday soon too even though birthdays tend to be extremely over-rated the older you get. ive been considering splurging and getting myself a birthday present: its a toss-up between piercing my tongue or investing in bongoes. its a hard choice - they're both the same price and ive wanted both for ages. we'll see.

im excited for tomorow: time at the wong household - always makes me smile.

Music: X & Y - Coldplay
PS: happy birthday eric :)

this sucks

2005-11-05T22:15:00.000-08:00

Im very tired of life at this moment. this sucks.

Aside

2005-10-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

oh, aside from the "not having a phone is good for me" crap - if anyone can donate me a spare cell phone that i can put my SIM card in - that would be spentabulous.

ode to my cell phone

2005-10-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

ode to my cell phone (Apr - Oct 2005):
When Dan brought you home in May, I skeptically gave you the once-over. i hated you and u're family of flip phones. Your owners always seemed so smug especially when they would end the conversation with a resounding smack as they shut your cover. yuck
But the longer I used you, the more you grew on me until i was taking pictures with the snazzy built-in camera and playing "Bejewelled" to pass time. It got so bad that if i left you at home, id come home at once to pick you up. i'd feel naked without you.
That all ended when you hit my bathroom floor on that fateful night in october. Your innards were fatally injured and though u gave me a feeble bleep, you died in my arms. Maybe it was good it ended while we were on the best of terms. Goodbye my friend.

======================================

Yes, I am phoneless. no home phone or cell phone. So if you gotta blog here or email me to reach me coz i lost all my phone numbers. Its not as hard as i thought living without a cell phone. And since my cell phone is the only connection i have with my friends, i havent been able to hook up with them either which made me go into loner phase which ive not minded so far. The only thing i miss the most about it is the SNOOZE button on it. Now, i haveto get up without my usual 3 snooze intervals coz ill defeintly sleep in. Boo. I also have lost all concept of time as I dont own a watch either. Its kind of cool coz its always an adventure to get to places on time. ahh none of you phone junkies will understand.

Last friday was an eye opener. Me and 3 friends were walking down commercial where we saw this woman on the ground. I must admit i would have just kept on walking by but Jill stopped and asked her if she was okay. She was absolutley wasted and had a mixture of booze and puke all over her. We helped her up and walked her to her apartment. ill keep it short - it was gross. there were coacroaches and insects everywhere. We made her toast, cleaned up and washed her dishes. It was even sadder hearing her story and it seemed so incomplete leaving her and then going back home to our own normal lives. And, i kept imagining a certain someone i knew who had lost everyone and everything and how she could fall into that position and how terrible it would be. Its weird how people say that we were great and we went out of our way and we should feel good about ourselves but i didnt. it made me feel worse. I was sad too because i knew if it was up to me, i would have just passed her by when this is really what we should be doing. Its painful seeing the two worlds that co-exist side by side but are kept at an arm's length. crazy shit.

ahh school. i dont know what you do with you. So i kicked ass in both my psych courses but failed chem. the average was 45% (me included). arggg - i want to conquer you but i honestly dont care. im thinking of dropping all my science courses next semester and switching to psych for good. at least it will make me feel worthwhile.

SO since im friendless for a while, ive spent more time on my music. I played bass at granville on sunday and it was good considering it was my first time. Im playing for another 2 weeks - woo. Also Dan, re-trung our guitar finally so some coldplay and jack johnson was relearned. Btw, the Killers Album "Hot Fuss" is sweet bus music. Serenaded by Mr. Flowers voice and the melodic rock-pop-synthesizer business = i heart the killers. and damn them if i dont love every single song on that album.

Peace out hommie G's.

Music: Everything will be Alright - The Killers
Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave

my loves

2005-10-21T01:18:00.000-07:00

our mask of reality.

2005-10-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

ahh....i was thinking of how unreal people are...the many people i have relationships with seem so normal but inside many of us are in such sadness, pain and anguish. Its seems ironic that we are laughing and tlaking about the weather when our minds are constantly battling with our brimming emotions. We're stuck at this superficial level where everything is okay but when u probe deeper, you discover something is not right, and in the best of intentions, you attempt to "fix me" but i reject your offer of support and to thank you, i alienate you because i regret ever telling you and i want to believe it will go away by itself.
i wont even pretend that its even possible to be open and loving all the time to everyone. Offering up love coupled with blantant honesty and acceptace seems so impossible but yet we're apparently called to do it.
maybe we couldnt handle it anways. we're hardwired to look out for 'numero uno'. so we're private souls carrying our own burdens because maybe id crumble if i had to carry you too.

procrastination at its best.

2005-10-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

arggg. chem frustrates me. i could spend hours at it and it would still frustrate me. im scared shitters for my midterm (fail rate of 60%) so Im up at 1:50AM to make myself feel better about being inept at it. My midterm is on Thurs evening at 7 pm. no thanks, i dont relaly want to spend all day freaking out about it but why should you Mr. evil professor man care what i think. (Evil professor man calls us 'stupid' and tells us that we probably wont understand anythig in class and we need to 'ruminate' at home for 2-3 hrs every night. wtf
on friday, i will need your re-affirmation that i am a valuable human being and bombing my chem midterm is not a slight on my charater but an insignificant event that will soon be repressed by some much needed milkshakes with jill and gill.

sidenote 1: my abnormal psych prof told us panic attacks may be caused by people who are heavy caffeine drinkers. it's called 'caffineism'. beware you cafe artigianoers/starbuckers/caffeine pill takers (me=alloftheabove)

sidenote 2: ive was just reminded that halloween is soon. what are people doing for halloween? can u believe ive never been trick or treating? my childhood has been deprived. AND how annoying is it that stores are already CHRISTMAS theming?? you SUCK.

sidenote 3: i think i attract old men. Today, one sat across from me on the bus, and waved to me at random intervals which was odd. And, another one peered under my umbrella and smiled at me which was odder still. (i think i was more offended because he had to look 'under'--->reminding me how short i am) maybe when im 50+ i will appreciate this.

YAY, the caffine pills are starting to kick in. i guess i should get back to chem. ugh

Sweet Shows

2005-10-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

Metric concert: Oct 30 (20 bucks) . My Chemical Romance - Dec 10 (30 bucks) . Two pretty rocking shows ill bet. And not too pricey . Want to come with?

Ephinany

2005-10-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
So i had this epiphany today when i woke up... "Sue, you gotta get out of here". This is a pattern of thought that has crossed my mind for a year now but I havent really taken it seriously. But right now, im just tired of the 'same old'. Everything is the same old. UBC, relationships, friends, life in general. There is nothing to get me excited in the morning when i wake up. I feel like im just plogging through life relentlessly because thats what people are supposed to do. Maybe im scared of change even though its supposedly for the better. I need to bust on out of that scaredness coz i may be missing out on so much.
Not to say, when i do get off my ass and leave ---> everything will migically turn amazing---> I will have discovered a new purpose, zeal and passion.
But hopefully Ill get a new perspective on life.
So what shall i do? I was thinking studying abroad. Or working on this ship Doulous which travels around the world. Or just traveling aimlessly being a 'bush woman' discovering the world.

Maybe i just feels like this coz my chem midterm is stressing the crap out of me and im willing to do aything and everything to stay away from chemistry which is the bane of my existence.

die chem die

hello all

2005-10-12T19:34:00.000-07:00

hello all. Nice of you to join me as i decide to jump on the bandwagon of blogging. Feel free to share u're present joys/concerns/epiphanies/scandals with me. ~Sue